A Chama Violeta (The Violet Flame)

Redator da equipe da Learning Mind

Sherrie Hurd é uma escritora e artista profissional com mais de 20 anos de experiência. Como sobrevivente de traumas na infância e de vários tipos de abuso, ela é uma defensora da conscientização sobre a saúde mental. Sherrie gerenciou várias doenças mentais, incluindo transtorno de ansiedade, transtorno bipolar e TEPT. Com esse histórico e experiência pessoal, ela se esforça para ajudar outras pessoas a superar traumas e abusos, lidar com doenças mentais e curar com o tempo.

Transcrito por http://achama.biz.ly com agradecimentos a:

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(Uma Grande Mentira)

comunicação verbal

10 coisas que os manipuladores dizem para fazer

Outubro 29, 2023

chamavioleta

10 coisas que os manipuladores dizem para fazer você se sentir culpado

Por Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

learning-mind.com

Tradução a 28 de Outubro de 2023

As coisas que os manipuladores dizem mergulham profundamente em suas emoções. Essas declarações fazem com que você duvide de si mesmo e dê mais importância do que deveria às suas (deles) palavras.

Manipuladores são mestres do engano. É difícil perceber o que eles estão fazendo às vezes, pois eles envolveram sua capa de mentiras ao seu redor. Você está enredado, atraído para outra realidade e começou a ser vítima de suas manobras especializadas de iluminação a gás.

Sente-se culpado e não sabe porquê.

Então, quais são as coisas que os manipuladores dizem?

Manipuladores dizem muitas coisas, mas raramente têm conversas saudáveis com você. Segundo eles, são superiores, vitimizados e negligenciados, tudo ao mesmo tempo. E quando eles querem alguma coisa, eles vão parar em nada para obtê-lo.

Podemos encontrar manipuladores em muitos tipos de personalidade, então apenas chamá-los de narcisistas não caberia. Mas, ao ponto, aqui estão algumas coisas que os manipuladores dirão para fazer você se sentir culpado. Preste muita atenção a esses tipos de frases para que elas não possam tirar vantagem de você.

1. "Eu nunca disse isso.”

Os manipuladores utilizam técnicas de controlo especializadas. Uma dessas técnicas é a iluminação a gás. Esse comportamento é um pouco difícil de explicar, pois assume muitas formas e inclui fatores.

Mas, basicamente, os manipuladores usam a iluminação a gás para fazer você adivinhar as coisas que disse ou fez. Quando eles dizem coisas como "eu nunca disse isso", eles provavelmente fizeram. Se a declaração for contrária à sua agenda, eles negarão.

2. "A ideia foi sua, não minha.”

As pessoas que o manipularão facilmente nunca assumirão a responsabilidade por uma má ideia ou fracasso. Não é algo que eles fazem. Entende, a ideia é manipular qualquer coisa e qualquer um com o objetivo de sempre ganhar.

Então, se eles fizerem um plano para fazer algo, e isso se revelar terrível, eles não se apropriarão da ideia. E também não tem de ser um grande plano, porque não faz diferença.

3. "Você está mentindo.”

Todos nós às vezes contamos pequenas mentiras brancas; vocês conhecem essas mentiras convenientes. Mas a maioria de nós quer ser honesta. Você pode se esforçar para ser o mais genuíno possível e até mesmo se sentir culpado quando não é. O manipulador também sabe disso.

Eles sabem que você ficará na defensiva se for chamado de mentiroso. E quando você está na defensiva, você está vulnerável. E a partir daí, o manipulador pode obrigar-nos a fazer qualquer coisa por culpa.

4. "Você é muito sensível.”

As coisas que os manipuladores dizem não apenas fazem você se sentir culpado, mas realmente doem. Dizer que você é muito sensível sobre um determinado tópico é dizer que todos devem ter as mesmas sensibilidades. Eles escolhem e escolhem quais sentimentos você deve ou não exibir, às vezes chamando isso de drama.

Mas há uma diferença entre começar uma cena dramática real e ter sensibilidades. O manipulador sabe disso, mas eles usam declarações como esta para, novamente, colocá-lo em um lugar vulnerável de culpa.

5. "Você causou isso.”

Falando de culpa, o manipulador não poderia ser mais óbvio quando o culpam. Aqueles que costumam usar a manipulação farão coisas físicas e mentais prejudiciais, depois se virarão e dirão que você instigou o incidente.

Sim, há uma causa e efeito, mas, em última análise, você é responsável por suas próprias ações, independentemente disso. Portanto, não se engane ouvindo o que eles dizem. Não deixe que a culpa o engane. Eles prosperam em vê-lo cair.

6. "Você realmente quer me machucar?”

Você leu isso na voz do cantor pop Boy George? Bem, talvez nem todos saibam quem é, ou talvez sejam muito jovens. Honestamente, Não tenho certeza do que Boy George quis dizer com suas letras, mas, neste caso, essas palavras são manipuladoras.

Quando uma pessoa tóxica quer algo de você e você diz não, ela fará parecer que sua recusa a machuca. E as recusas podem prejudicar às vezes, já que a maioria de nós geralmente quer uma resposta "sim". Mas, neste caso, o manipulador está causando culpa ao fazer de vítima.

7. "Eu pedi desculpas. O que mais queres?”

Ok, só podemos dizer que lamentamos tantas vezes e isso torna-se sem sentido. No entanto, as pessoas manipuladoras esperam que você aceite apenas um pedido de desculpas sem nenhum esforço para corrigir seus erros.

Pessoas inteligentes vêem através das desculpas irreverentes. E quando você começa a tentar se comunicar e entender por que eles fizeram algo doloroso, é quando eles usam a desculpa "eu já pedi desculpas". Na maioria das vezes, manipuladores só querem andar por cima de você e, em seguida, espero que você vai esquecer isso.

8. "Você está causando uma cena"

Aqui está uma das outras coisas que os manipuladores dizem para fazer você se sentir culpado. Eles vão instigar uma discussão em público, algo tão enfurecedor que você ataca. Às vezes, eles podem deixá-lo tão zangado com as pessoas que você começa a gritar com elas.

É verdade que as pessoas podem ser abusivas verbalmente. Mas quando alguém está manipulando você a ponto de fazer você perder a calma, você está propenso a atacar dramaticamente. Existe uma diferença entre abuso verbal e atingir um ponto de ruptura. Acho que compreende isto.

9. "Se você realmente me amasse, você faria isso"

Eu absolutamente odeio isso. Esta afirmação foi usada em mim tantas vezes que me arrepio quando penso nisso. Eu estava tão certo e, normalmente, apenas fazia o que o meu parceiro tóxico queria, para que ele não o dissesse.

Mas aqui está a verdade: só porque você se preocupa com alguém não significa que você deve fazer tudo o que eles pedem de você. Às vezes não há problema em dizer "não" sem explicações. E isso não significa que os Ames menos.

10. "Você entendeu mal o que eu disse.”

Aqui está outro para fazer o sangue ferver. Você já ouviu algo ridículo saindo da boca de um amigo e depois ficou com raiva? Bem, se isso aconteceu e seu amigo era uma pessoa manipuladora, eles provavelmente recuaram (disseram que você entendeu mal o que eles estavam dizendo).

Humanos manipuladores sempre manterão a palavra "incompreendido" no bolso de trás quando precisarem usá-la. Aqui está o que você deve fazer: chamá-los para fora sobre o que eles disseram, e não deixá-los doninha fora dele.

Por que as coisas que os manipuladores dizem são tão frustrantes?

É tão frustrante lidar com as coisas que os manipuladores dizem, porque eles assumem o controle de você. Se você não for forte e se apegar firmemente à sua autoestima, um manipulador roubará toda a sua vitalidade e entusiasmo pela vida.

Eles têm características semelhantes a um vampiro de energia. E você pode dizer,

"Bem,Por que não parar de lidar com eles? Não fales com eles. Ignora-os.”

E isso é uma opção. Mas pode ser mais complicado do que isso, dependendo do papel que o manipulador desempenha na vida de uma pessoa.

Quando as pessoas manipuladoras começam a jogar os seus jogos, é uma distração. É prejudicial, cansativo e tira tanto foco das coisas importantes da vida.

Enquanto você está ocupado tentando resolver os falsos sentimentos feridos de alguém, você poderia estar fazendo algo mais produtivo. E para aqueles que simplesmente não conseguem se afastar deles, às vezes se afastar temporariamente ajuda a manter a calma. Tenha isso em mente.

Imagem em destaque por Freepik

Sherrie Hurd

About the author:

Redator da equipe da Learning Mind

Transcrito por http://achama.biz.ly com agradecimentos a:

http://violetflame.biz.ly/cgi-bin/blog/view_post/1204352

com ajuda de translate.yandex.com/

Arquivos:

https://chamavioleta.blogs.sapo.pt/tag/Sherrie+Hurd

novos blogues:

As minhas notas:

Deus, a Fonte da vida é puro amor incondicional, não um deus zeloso de [algumas das] religiões dogmáticas.

Lembrete:

O discernimento é recomendado

vindo do coração e não da mente

Base: http://achama.biz.ly/

Blogs: AO/BR/PT https://chamavioleta.blogs.sapo.pt/

, https://aluzroxa.blogspot.com/

e https://raioroxo.blogspot.com/

EN: http://violetflame.biz.ly

, https://purpelligh.blogspot.com/

e https://rayviolet11.blogspot.com/

gab: https://gab.com/active_me

twit: https://twitter.com/lourtavar

e-mail: site@achama.biz.ly

FB: https://www.facebook.com/mel.tavares.75

O Google apagou meus antigos blogs rayviolet.blogspot.com e

rayviolet2.blogspot.com, sem aviso prévio e apenas 10 horas depois de eu postar o relatório de Benjamin Fulford de 6 de fevereiro de 2023, acusando-me de publicar pornografia infantil.

(Uma Grande Mentira)

dysfunctional

10 Lessons Learned from a Dysfunctional Relationship Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

Julho 18, 2022

chamavioleta

10 Lessons Learned from a Dysfunctional Relationship
Sherrie Hurd, A.A.
https://rayviolet.blogspot.com/2022/07/10-lessons-learned-from-dysfunctional.html

A dysfunctional relationship comes in various forms. You may endure toxic experiences with intimate partners, friends, or even family. What lessons should we learn from this?

The goal, of course, is to have healthy relationships in all areas of life. Unfortunately, this isn’t always possible. In fact, you could be in the middle of a dysfunctional relationship and never know it.

Sometimes, it’s difficult to see the signs of toxic behavior, and so you may think this dysfunctional behavior is normal.

An unhealthy or dysfunctional relationship may look like this:
Hostility may be present. One partner may pick fights with the other.
There will be control issues.
One partner will be dependent on the other for basic needs.
There may be instances of physical or sexual violence.
Intimidation is a common factor in toxic relationships
Disrespect is present.
Another common factor is dishonesty.

Lessons you learn from dysfunctional situations...+
https://rayviolet.blogspot.com/2022/07/10-lessons-learned-from-dysfunctional.html

sherrie hurd

7 Signs of Trauma Triggers and How to Deal with Them

Julho 12, 2022

chamavioleta

7 Signs of Trauma Triggers and How to Deal with Them
Sherrie Hurd, A.A.
https://rayviolet.blogspot.com/2022/07/7-signs-of-trauma-triggers-and-how-to.html

We experience trauma triggers after going through an event that changes us and leaves an imprint on our minds. These triggers take us back to that moment in time and stimulate negative feelings.

Trauma causes negative emotions and damage to our lives. And yes, we can heal from all sorts of past experiences, with the proper support and practices.

But often there’s an imprint that dwindles in the back of our minds, buried within our memories. This imprint is a trauma trigger, which is activated by a cue or reminder of the devasting things that happened to us.

Trauma trigger is a psychological stimulus causing an instant recall of a past traumatic experience.

Signs of Trauma Triggers

Do you experience trauma triggers? Well, there are ways to discover if you indeed experience them throughout your daily life.

Maybe you haven’t experienced any triggers, or maybe you just never understood what it was. Either way, a few indicators can reveal the truth...+
https://rayviolet.blogspot.com/2022/07/7-signs-of-trauma-triggers-and-how-to.html

introvert's world

8 Creative Writing Jobs That Are Perfect for Introverts

Setembro 17, 2020

chamavioleta

8 Creative Writing Jobs That Are Perfect for Introverts

Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

learning-mind.com

September 16th, 2020.

I started off in my career with creative writing jobs. It wasn’t easy at first, but it was the perfect work for the introvert, which is me.

Writing online is wonderful, but it’s not something that just falls in your lap. Hey, I just wanted to put that out there before I shared anything else. When you start writing online, you can get lost easily. Unlike when I started, there are so many options, it can make your head spin.

That’s because all over the internet, you will find millions of writing jobs. The thing is, there are so many people looking for a magical opportunity.

Here’s the key: you must make yourself stand out, and as an introvert, it may not be easy for you. Don’t fret, the good news is, it’s probably more comfortable than hitting the pavement looking for work. Oh, and did I mention how creative writing can be?

Creative writing jobs

Introverts do feel more comfortable, for the most part, working online. You don’t have to face your employer in a physical setting. Communication is still key, but the communication doesn’t really require a dress code. Unless, of course, you’re interviewing for a writer’s job on Zoom or some other video platform, but it’s not as common as emails or calls.

But for now, let’s look at several creative writing jobs that are perfect for the introvert.

1. Blogging

I’m going to start here because I love this type of creative writing. Yes, blogging can be both formal and casual, depending on the client. As far as jobs go, being able to sit down in your own home and create an interesting and engaging blog post is just heaven.

In some situations, you can work in your pajamas, especially when video calls aren’t required. Blogging is comfortable, but it is also authoritative, so you get to enjoy what you do while sharing facts and helping people. I think my favorite part has always been helping people through words.

2. Content creation

Another creative way to share your words is through content creation. There are many websites that go through updating phases for different reasons. They either get tired of their usual look, or they need a new layout to draw in more customers.

If you have a little marketing in your background, you can help site owners revamp their site and promote what they’re selling at the same time. While content creation was always a bit more difficult for me, it might be right up your alley as an imaginative introvert.

3. An author

If you really want to be creative, why not go all out and write a book. Now, I’m going to be absolutely honest with you, writing a book is a long process that takes many avenues of creation. But no matter how difficult it may be, getting those ideas out of your head will help you focus on even more ideas.

Becoming an author gets a bit easier all the time, and it seems like so many people are doing this. But if you want to be creative and make money at it too, you’ll have to take your time with this one.

4. Poetry/Anthologies

If writing a full-scale book is not for you, then maybe an anthology or book of poetry would be better. I started out writing poetry, long before the internet became popular. I filled notebooks with poetry and even wrote a couple of short stories.

If you’re introverted, writing poetry or short story anthologies gives you the author role, but doesn’t require as much long-term work as far as the writing. If you wish to publish, you will have to decide to submit, self-publish, or something hybrid. Either way, remember, you’re doing what you love to do, and you don’t have to be around people to do it.

5. Contests

Some people can actually make on and off careers by entering writing contests. While this isn’t steady work, it can fill a few gaps when in need, and some of these competitions pay well.

There are so many writing contests on the internet that you can try, some with entry fees, and some totally free to submissions. The prizes range from a few hundred to a few thousand, so it’s not really too shabby.

6. Interviews/promotions

Some writers are building a presence interviewing other writers. They also provide promotional services to help gain views, reviews, and followers. I recently volunteered to do an interview in exchange for promoting a website. In these cases, it’s a win/win situation.

The interviews can be as creative as you want, as long as you and the writer are in agreement about the content. You can also get leave links to your other writing, and you get to blast your name. Us writers understand the importance of bylines.

7. Product descriptions

A few years back, I landed a job with a small handbag and accessory online business. My position was writing fun and interesting descriptions of all the products. A few years before that, I even did a little work writing descriptions for costume party clothing.

Both of these jobs allowed me the freedom to be creative and descriptive while promoting each product. The company selling the costume clothing even wanted the descriptions to be humorous. So, if you’re an introvert and you land a job like this, you will love how it provides an outlet to be yourself.

8. Magazine articles

These are some of the most difficult creative writing jobs to land, in my opinion. However, they pay really well. You can find article writing jobs for magazines in your local area or online as well. Considering there are so many different types of magazines around, you can find one that suits your interests.

For example, there are many art magazines looking for articles on artists and their work. Likewise, you can find magazines about mechanics. You’d probably be surprised by how many different magazines need writers.

Being creative is natural to the introvert

I’ve come to realize that part of the reason I like being alone so much is that I have an imagination. I love to paint, tend my garden, and absolutely love to write. And I never really get bored because I always have a head full of ideas. Trust me, I’m not bragging. It can be torturous at times.

So, if you’re introverted like me, and you love to write, maybe you can dabble with a few of these suggestions. Just remember, like any other job, writing takes work. But once you’ve found your place in the writing world, there will be a network that will keep you moving forward.

Introverts unite, creative writing jobs are plentiful. We’ve just got to get out there and leave an imprint so the work will come to us.

References:

Sherrie Hurd

About the author:

Staff writer at Learning Mind
Sherrie Hurd is a professional writer and artist with over 20 years of experience. As a survivor of childhood trauma and multiple types of abuse, she is an advocate for mental health awareness. Sherrie manages multiple mental illnesses, including anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, and PTSD. With this background and personal experience, she strives to help others overcome trauma and abuse, cope with mental illness, and heal over time.

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mental health

Why Family Betrayal Is the Most Painful and How to Cope with It

Setembro 16, 2020

chamavioleta

Why Family Betrayal Is the Most Painful and How to Cope with It

Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

learning-mind.com

September 16th, 2020.

Of all the hurts accumulated throughout life, family betrayal is the worst. When your own relatives turn against you, it’s almost unbearable.

When I was a child, I was abused. When my parents found out, many years later, they turned a blind eye to my pain. Why? because of something stupid. What makes it worse is they are dead now, and I may never really understand how they could have done this. When your family turns their back on you, it’s like torment.

Why is family betrayal so hard to deal with?

There’s physical pain, which, in time, it heals. There’s the pain of mental illness and the pain of trauma, which is like neverending darkness. But when your own mother, father, or other family members betray you in your darkest hour, it’s a pain that’s hard to describe. But I will try, I will attempt to share a few reasons why this pain is the worst.

1. Close relationships

Families are supposed to be tight-knit and loyal to each other. Unlike the average Joe on the street, a sister is supposed to be there for you. Your brother is supposed to be trustworthy. Your mother and father are supposed to stand in the gap for you and fight.

When this doesn’t happen in your family for some reason, the betrayal is deep. If you cannot trust your family, you probably feel like you cannot trust many others either.

2. It’s so confusing

Let’s say your husband cheated, and you chose to forgive him, but then he did it again. He has proven that his infidelity is not a mistake, rather a choice.

This is confusing because you are supposed to be closer to each other than any other member of your household. Your partner has betrayed you, regardless of a commitment. Betrayal breaks this bond and leaves you wondering why you didn’t see it coming. It leaves you confused.

3. It’s demeaning

I once told a family member that it hurt more thinking I was stupid than what they did to me. Basically, when a cousin or brother, for instance, deceives or lies to you, they assume you will believe. They give you no credit for being able to see through the thin veneer of falsehood.

Family members know each other pretty well, and they know when they are being betrayed. It hurts immeasurably for a loved one to think you are stupid enough to allow this hurt.

How can you cope with family betrayal?

So, they tricked you. They fooled, lied, and left you to pick up the pieces of your tainted relationship. So, what can you do now? Well, there are a few ways you can cope with this in a healthy manner. The hurt doesn’t go away, but your life must go on.

1. Forgiveness

Yes, I said it. You must forgive them. Now, this doesn’t mean you cannot remember and still try to work through your feelings about the incident. This is especially true if the one who betrayed you is no longer living.

You’ve probably heard the old saying about forgiveness being more for your own benefit than for theirs, and this is true. Not forgiving the ones who’ve caused you pain will cultivate bitterness in your life.

2. Distance

As for those who are still among the living, after forgiveness comes distance. Some of those people who betrayed you must be loved from afar. You cannot submerge yourself in a close relationship with someone you cannot trust. Care about them, yes, but try to limit time spent with them for your own well-being.

3. No revenge

Remember, forgiveness is number one, right. This means you cannot try and avenge yourself after what they’ve done to you. I know you want to, but it’s simply unhealthy.

By being vengeful, you are lowering yourself to their level. You cannot get revenge without feeling regret for your actions afterward, and I don’t care how tough you think you are. This is your family I’m talking about.

4. Analyze the betrayal

If you can stand to think of what happened to you, face your family member. They may deny or avoid the questions but do it anyway. In short, I can tell you this: You are not the problem, they are. Family members who betray are dealing with something inside themselves, not really a problem with you.

As for me, my parents didn’t report my abuse because they didn’t want to cause problems with the man who abused me or disturb his family. Now, knowing that made me even angrier, but at least I know they were cowards and dysfunctional people, even though I loved them.

5. Emotional control

When I was betrayed, I wasn’t as emotional as I have been in the last few months. I don’t think I ever come to terms with my parent’s looks of apathy. I couldn’t read their minds, but it sure seemed like my trauma was considered and then quickly pushed behind them.

For the past months, I’ve grieved over those things until finally taking back control over my emotions. Eventually, no matter how long it takes, you have to control yourself. You have to understand that it isn’t your fault that they failed you, whatever the case may be.

6. Cope according to status

You will have to cope with the hurt according to how close you are to the family member. While it may not be as hard to deal with a conniving cousin, it can be devastating to deal with a pathologically lying wife.

You can forgive all of them, but some may not be as easy to get away from as others. Deal accordingly, and this will help you understand how to draw boundaries from now on. Yes, you can draw boundaries with your spouse. In other words, learn who you can trust.

7. Talk to someone

It’s best that you don’t hold all this inside. I’ve tried to keep my pain a secret, but you see, I’ve told you all. I’ve also told a few of my close family and friends about the trauma and the betrayal. You see, family betrayal is not something you need to deal with on your own. Other people can help you hash out the details and understand what to do.

Finally letting go

That’s it. You have to finally learn to let go of what happened to you, even if you were hurt and then hurt again. It doesn’t matter how many times life sears you with pain, you have to release the unforgiveness right there in your chest and let the love come back.

Family betrayal, as you see, is traumatic in its own right, so always remember to take care of yourself during and after the conflicts. Healing may take a while, but it’s always worth it.

After all, I’ve harbored these feelings for decades. Don’t do this to yourself. I want better for you.

References:

Sherrie Hurd

About the author:

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anger

8 Signs of a Bitter Person: Are You One?

Setembro 14, 2020

chamavioleta

8 Signs of a Bitter Person:

Are You One?

Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

learning-mind.com

September 12th, 2020.

I know what being a bitter person feels like. When I read through the signs or listen to the testimony of others, I recognize myself.

I’m not proud of being bitter. I don’t think anyone is happy about having these feelings. But, unfortunately, many of us have feelings of unforgiveness, hatred, and loneliness – in short, these words embody the bitter mindset.

Having a bitter personality doesn’t mean being a bad person. However, they’ve just had enough of the world’s crap and how they’ve been treated in the past. I can attest that I’ve had a rather difficult time not being suffocated by these feelings.

Signs you may be a bitter person

So, I guess you’re wondering if you could possibly be a little bitter, huh? Well, the only way to gauge yourself in this area is to recognize the signs within your own life. Unlike some other complicated mindsets and issues, the signs of bitterness are a little easier to see. At least, I think so.

Anyway, you can browse through the signs and see if you fall into the category of being a bitter person.

1. Avoiding positive people

I think most people do this without thinking. When bitterness is in your heart, and other people seem really happy, you tend to avoid them. Why do you do this? Well, if you’re not happy and they are, your bitterness becomes stronger.

You get angry about not being able to feel the happiness that others do. You get depressed because the past has robbed you of so much power of good self-esteem. Positive people can literally make you cringe when you’re a person riddled with bitterness. You should be able to pick up on this indicator immediately.

2. Achievements seem small

The truth is, a bitter person could have many achievements in their life, but they just don’t see it that way. If you are bitter, you may downplay the good things you’ve done. They may seem insignificant to you compared to the bad things that have occurred.

Maybe you’ve won awards or snagged great jobs, well, these things will seem small in comparison to how people treated you in the past. It’s closely related to how you feel about yourself in general.

3. Judgemental

A bitter person is judgemental on a regular basis. If you catch yourself talking about people all the time and the things they’re doing wrong, then this fits with the judgemental mentality. You may even call people negative or nasty names because you are so angry with them.

You feel cheated, hurt, and damaged, and so, you easily pass judgment on those who’ve hurt you. Here’s where the judgment crosses the line: you talk about others who’ve done nothing to you. It’s honestly like an infectious disease. Talking bad about people just spreads and spreads until you’re talking about everyone in a negative light.

4. Staying away from everyone

Not only do bitter people stay away from positive people, they eventually just stay away from everyone. They stay away from events and other social functions as well.

Now, let me clear something up, being bitter isn’t the same as being an introvert. An introvert likes being alone but doesn’t necessarily have hate in their heart, while be a bitter person avoids people and actively dislikes them. There is a difference. If you find yourself angry with everyone and refusing all invitations, you might be a bitter individual.

5. Generalizations

A bitter person will generalize things. If someone hurts them, they won’t focus on the individual, they will focus on entire groups that have similar characteristics. This can even bleed into ethnic and gender generalizations. If you notice that you’re generalizing about a whole gender or ethnic group, then you’ve definitely become bitter about something rather devastating.

However, what happened isn’t supposed to make you generalize about the guilty person’s race or sex. No one should be categorized because of what they do. Making generalizations is a huge red flag of bitterness.

6. Grudges, grudges, and more grudges

Bitter people know how to hold a grudge, and I’ve done this. Let me warn you, holding a grudge can damage your life in ways you cannot imagine. For instance, if you stay mad at a relative and refuse to talk to them or see them, you could regret this.

What’s the reason for this monumental regret, you may ask? What if that relative dies and you’ve never gotten around to making amends? I’ve watched this happen on numerous occasions, just because two people were incredibly bitter. If you’re holding grudges, then you’re just being a bitter person.

7. Change is hard

Bitter people have the hardest time changing things about themselves. They often think that the world owes them happiness, and they shouldn’t have to change to grasp that happiness they want.

Are you waiting to be happy while harboring hatred in your heart? If so, then a bitter vine has wrapped itself around the foundation of who you are. As frightening as this may sound, it’s just the raw truth.

8. Anger and hatred

Although I’ve loosely covered these two feelings, I have to reiterate their power in a bitter personality. If you notice that you’re angry at everything and have hatred inside, bitterness is growing. The amount of hatred a person can hold is immense and can blind you to any good and fulfilling aspects of life.

A bitter person will act hatefully and always seem angry. Even if it’s just this seething undertone, you will notice this in yourself.

Can we stop being bitter? Is it possible?

All things are possible with determination and the right mindset. Just remember, dealing with your bitterness is your responsibility. Although others may want to help, it’s up to you to get better. Bitterness is a strong feeling, but it can be countered by pouring lots of love into every single day.

If you practice saying positive things when you wake up in the morning, that’s a start. You should try forgiveness too, as soon as possible, so that you cut a few more of those bitter branches from around your heart. Help people as well because this transfers bitter feelings into fulfillment. You can help them and in turn, it produces usefulness and hope.

Also, be the first one to step forward when it involves grudges. This is difficult, but if you do it, you will feel a release from the pressure of holding that grudge. After all, staying mad takes lots of work, and it zaps your energy. What’s more, it damages your health to stay bitter, so you have to work on this.

I know that you will come up with more creative ways to kill the bitterness inside. Hey, I’m right here with you. I have struggled with being a bitter person on and off for quite some time. I get discouraged, but I know that I have the strength and willpower to overcome this demon. I know you have that same strength too.

You can do this.

References:

Sherrie Hurd

About the author:

Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from:

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controlling

‘Am I Manipulative?’ 6 Signs You Could Be a Manipulator

Setembro 11, 2020

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‘Am I Manipulative?’

6 Signs You Could Be a Manipulator

Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

learning-mind.com

September 10th, 2020.

After years of feeling manipulated by others, I have to ask myself one question, “Am I manipulative?” In some cases, the problem can actually be you.

Here’s what I really think about manipulation. There are many reasons why you may be this way. Manipulation usually comes from a personality disorder, which could be genetic. It could also come from your surrounding or environment as a survival tool.

I also believe that if you’re in a toxic relationship, you are controlled and abused on a regular basis. I believe that when you escape the relationship and find a healthy one, you adopt some of the previous manipulative ways, and use them on others. Among other reasons, you may be similar to your abusers now.

‘Am I manipulative?’ Let’s examine the signs

I truly believe that I am manipulative sometimes. I try hard not to be this way, but I was controlled and abused for many years, and I guess it was infectious. So, in case you don’t understand, and before we examine the signs, let’s consider the real definition of this dreaded condition.

Manipulation means to control someone or something for your own advantage, usually in an unfair and cruel manner.

Now, are you this way? The only way to know for certain is to look at the indicators. Yes, like so many ways of figuring out conditions and situations, there are always telltale signs of a manipulative person to let you know. Check these out and examine yourself.

1. Behavior rationalization

While you may not believe you could ever be manipulative, you can. You may even know deep down inside that you’re using certain mental tools to get what you want from others. Whenever this does come to your attention, you might rationalize your behavior.

Maybe you tell yourself that you deserve to be treated better than before, and so you try to control every negative aspect of your life. This unfortunately sometimes includes the lives of others. Believe me, this is not healthy.

2. Acting blameless

A manipulative person is never to blame, at least in their own eyes. No matter what happens, and no matter how obvious your part in the situation, you will try to put the responsibility on someone else.

The way you see it, you are a logical thinker, intelligent, and not prone to making mistakes. I guess you sometimes put yourself on a pedestal. If you have a personality disorder, this blamelessness will be even more pronounced.

3. Mind games

Whether you mean to do this or not, you sometimes end up playing mind games with people you love or care about This is a huge red flag telling you that you must have a toxic characteristic.

Playing mind games means trying to downplay the feelings of others or make them feel crazy (gaslighting). Instead of listening to your friends and loved ones when they say you’ve hurt them, you act like it’s no big deal. Have you ever caught yourself doing this?

4. Selfishness

Now, there’s a fine line between self-worth and selfishness. Your selfishness will show how absorbed you are with your own ideas and goals.

Manipulation, in this case, can be seen when you twist everything to satisfy yourself. The needs of others will always come second when you’re acting like this. Your best interests will always be first and you will do whatever it takes to get what you want.

5. Controlling

If you think you might be manipulating people, then examine your control behavior. Are you utilizing self-control, or are you being controlling of everything and everyone else?

If you are trying to control everything and everyone, then that’s a shame. This says so much about the erosion of your personality. Control should be used sparingly, and if you are controlling things every moment of your life, you are molding everything to your will. You know what this means.

6. Inconsistent

Healthy people and relationships have one particularly interesting thing in common – that would be consistency. You might be a little manipulative if you are an inconsistent person.

For instance, saying you will help someone and then backing out is inconsistent. Doing this once isn’t so toxic, but being inconsistent consistently is definitely an unhealthy trait. You will know something is wrong if you cannot keep your word and loyalties.

Do these signs describe you?

Are you asking yourself more often, “Am I manipulative”? If so, then you might want to take a homemade course in self-examination.

I’m not here to beat up on you, no, not at all, because I’ve acted like this before myself. I am guilty of using manipulation to get my way. In my case, much of it was defensively deriving from other toxic relationships, but that’s a different story. You see, no one’s perfect.

What I am saying is that you can take a look at these indicators and decide for yourself. Do you need help with being a better person, and analyzing your attitudes? If so, you can start today. After all, everyone deserves the best that life can give them, and everyone deserves a second chance… maybe even a few more.

Most importantly, look within before looking around you.

References:

Sherrie Hurd

About the author:

Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from:

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defeated

7 Things to Do When Feeling Defeated by Life

Setembro 07, 2020

chamavioleta

7 Things to Do When Feeling Defeated by Life

Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

learning-mind.com

September 6th, 2020.

Are you feeling defeated? I mean, are you totally and absolutely discouraged about life? If so, know this: you’re not alone.

If you’re overwhelmed, take heart, there are many other people who feel this way too. Considering the world is in turmoil right now, you’re probably hanging on pretty well. At least I hope so. If not, it’s okay. Sometimes I feel like losing hope is the default in my life too.

Do you know what to do when feeling defeated by life?

When hopelessness takes over, can you handle this feeling? I’m guessing you don’t have that much energy to do anything, right? I know I’ve spent countless hours just rolling ideas over in my head. If you’re sitting around trying to figure a way out of this feeling, then that’s a good thing.

If you’re drowning in these emotions, then you may need a hand to reach down and pull you out. I’ve needed that hand, so here’s mine. Here are a few things to do when feeling defeated. Instead of wallowing in our sorrows, let’s take action.

1. Help someone

The first thing you’ve got to understand is that the universe does not revolve around you. There are billions of people in the world with issues, just know that. While I am not discounting your pain or trauma, I am trying to reroute it.

Today, help someone, even though you may feel defeated. When you help someone else, you will make them feel better, and in turn, you will see more purpose in life. I’ve done this before when it felt like my world was falling apart. When I saw a smile on someone else’s face and knew that I helped to put it there, my whole perspective shifted.

2. Ditch comparisons

There’s something you should stop right now, and that’s comparing yourself with others. Know that no individual is exactly like another, not even identical twins. Comparing only magnifies imperfections.

So, the next time you notice an impressive quality about another person, instead of wishing for that quality for yourself, just be happy for them. Then remember this, you are only seeing what they show you. You also have great qualities and imperfections as well. Comparing yourself to others is pointless.

3. Notice the little things

Have you ever heard someone talk about “the little things in life”, and about how you should notice and appreciate them? Yeah, that’s a good idea.

While your life may be filled with humongous chaos and it does feel defeating, there are still those little positive things tucked away. Honestly, some of those little things are right in front of you, like, for instance, the gentle breeze and the beautiful blue sky.

4. Take a step at a time

If you’re feeling defeated, stop thinking of the long term destination for a while. Thinking so far ahead will put pressure on you, feeding the feelings of discouragement. If you can think of one small step directly in front of you, then you can slowly change things.

For example, you want to buy a house, but your credit is bad, you have no down payment, and you have several debts. If you keep thinking about acquiring a home more than budgeting and making smart decisions, you will be stuck in these negative feelings. It takes time to make a positive change of this magnitude. This usually calls for small steps.

5. Accept what is

Every time you ruminate about the past or think of the future, you deprive yourself of the present. Most of the time, you feel miserable. When you feel defeated, you’re living somewhere else in your mind. It’s certainly not in the present.

Perhaps you’re going back in time to think about your children when they were younger, or maybe you’re thinking of a relationship that’s long since ended, and this is unhealthy.

Also, thinking too much about how you’re going to handle situations in the future will cause the same turmoil. The only way to stop defeat is to live in the now. Take what you have and make the most of these things.

6. Embrace change

Even though you should live in the present, this doesn’t mean you cannot change things. When it comes time to make a difference in your life, don’t shy away from that. You could be feeling defeated because you keep running from the change you know that’s inevitable. Yes, change is hard, but sometimes it’s necessary in order to live a healthy existence.

7. Know thyself

This one will be a life-long learning process, so you must start immediately. If you really want to know what to do when you feel defeated by life, then here it is: learn who you are and let no one tell you otherwise. Now, this doesn’t mean you cannot take advice about bettering yourself, it just means that you shouldn’t listen to toxicity.

You will recognize toxic behavior when someone makes you doubt your self-esteem. If they say you’re self-absorbed, take a step back, and examine yourself. That’s just a healthy response. But never let them cause you to doubt your basic feelings of self-worth. This causes defeat.

Don’t give up just yet

Life is hard. I mean, it’s downright almost impossible at times. I get it. But if you are feeling defeated, it’s time to turn that around so you can be a blessing to the world, and to yourself.

These negative feelings not only waste precious time, but they also act as an emotion that spreads. Remember, when you feel defeated, there are others watching. I think we should try harder, for ourselves and for those who are influenced by our behavior.

I know we’re strong enough to be better.

References:

Sherrie Hurd

About the author:

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arts

The Raw Reality of Today’s Society in Eye-Opening

Março 18, 2020

chamavioleta

The Raw Reality of Today’s Society in Eye-Opening Illustrations.

Sherrie Hurd

learning-mind.com

Posted March 17th, 2020.

.
Img source

If you don’t pay close attention, you will miss the truth of our society today. Things aren’t what they seem.

I talk quite a bit about the eighties mainly because it seemed like a simpler time. However, older people may feel the same about the earlier decades as well. I guess it’s just the way you look at it, the generation that raised you. One thing is safe to say is that this day and age is certainly much different.

A generation that reveals deep truths

Our modern times reveal dark revelations about us as human beings. No matter how rosy we paint everything, there’s something brown and ugly underneath. The worst part is that most people don’t even notice the truth of our reality. Argentina-based illustrator Al Margen is here to show you those eye-opening truths.

The rawness of society shows its face in Al Margen’s eye-opening illustrations

1. We’re fake people

That’s right, I said it. Most of us are fake people. We never wanted to be, we just ended up hiding so many emotions that we started wearing a mask. We do this so easily now that we’ve taught ourselves to believe these lies are truth. It’s quite the opposite actually. We are so fake that we don’t even remember our true identity. This is one reality.

When this mentality enters the intimate relationship, it becomes worse than divorce. After happiness and any hope of connection disappear, masks go on and couples start to pretend. This happens more than you can imagine.

2. Most of us have closed minds

As soon as society realizes that you have ideas from outside the box, they work to silence that creativity. They even go as far as to call you crazy when you express those different views. Although they don’t always literally put you away in an institution, it feels like you aren’t part of the society you used to love. If they ever succeed in silencing your creativity, you become like a zombie, just like the rest.

3. The lure of television has us trapped

Television has been around for quite some time, long before some of the other technology which beguiles us. From the beginning, movies, shows, and even commercials have lured us in and held us there for hours at a time.

Other things like reading, painting, and outdoor activity took a backseat to this constant form of entertainment. The screen has us trapped, and most of us are affected.

4. High expectations for children

It’s wonderful when children partake in extracurricular activities like sports, but it’s not so good to place expectations on them that they cannot perform. Having high expectations can be intimidating and stressful for children. Our society, unfortunately, sees these expectations as normal, and they push their children too far sometimes.

5. We are a slave to money

It’s true, we do need money to pay bills and buy food. It’s not true that we must worship money as if it’s a god which gives us superpowers. But this is how we act about money in so many ways.

On the other hand, we also become slaves to money. We have even forgotten how to grow food, sew clothing, and build things on our own. We much rather just buy everything while our human skills are fading away.

6. People act like clones

For the most part, we are clones. The good news is, there are a few who choose to walk in a different direction, make a controversial decision, and grow in a variety of ways.

These are the brave people, and the people who usually seem content with the lives they lived. Unfortunately, different people are rare in the ocean of copies.

7. Corporate entities are consuming family-owned businesses

Family-owned businesses are struggling more than ever, and some are disappearing altogether. Corporate entities like retail stores and franchise food establishments are killing the small business.

It’s happening fast and destroying the morals of the older generation. It’s also discouraging those of us who try to make money on our own as well.

8. We cannot tear away from technology

Just like television has trapped us, technology itself holds us tighter than ever with its many innovative options. We have computers, cell phones, iPads and more. These are electronic devices that might as well kidnap us and hold us, hostage, forever. It’s terrifying when you finally realize just how much technology has taken over.

9. Our bodies are time bombs

We know that smoking is bad, and we understand that drinking takes lives every day. There are other things that destroy our bodies as well, such as unhealthy eating, too much caffeine, and energy drinks and supplements. This is why if we don’t live our best lives, we are literally ticking time bombs.

10. We may attend schools, but are we learning?

Schools are packed with children learning things, but are they really learning as much as they can? Some people believe that students attend school only to cross it off their list and graduate. Some students do not appreciate their education. That’s one way to look at learning in modern times.

Another way to look at the modern intellect is that schools aren’t teaching, they are taking outside learning away and replacing it with a curriculum that might not even be used. We need real-life skills, not just the basics. Society, however, is more concerned with just getting their children through school than actually fueling their ideas.

Is society hopeless?

These images may make you feel hopeless and discouraged, but it’s actually up to you to change these things. You should be the one that stands out, you should be the one to better yourself, and you should be the one to change our society. We bring forth darkness so the light can make some changes.

Maybe we can change even more.

Image courtesy of Al Margen

Sherrie Hurd

Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from:

https://www.learning-mind.com/raw-reality-society-eye-opening-illustrations/

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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind.

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone.

Please respect all credits.

Discernment is recommended.

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